"In my head, I felt I was cured. After I recovered from my breast cancer surgery, that's how I thought of myself. So when my doctor told me last month that my cancer had come back, my world came crashing down, hard."—Kelly, 42
"When my doctor told me that my cancer had spread, I felt ready to give up then and there. But my friends and family have given me incredible support. I know I'll be spending the time I have left being cared for and loved. I'm learning to cherish every day."—Andy, 53
Getting that first cancer diagnosis was bad enough. But hearing that cancer has come back or spread can take an even bigger toll.
You're likely feeling your way through a maze of emotions. As powerless as you may feel, it can help to remember there are things you still have control over. You can:
It's hard to imagine many things that could be more stressful than learning that your cancer has come back or has spread. You may worry about the future, about more treatment and more side effects, about your job, about your family.
Relaxing your mind and body with deep breathing and guided imagery can help you manage your worries and feel better.
Some people need more than relaxation techniques. If your emotions are getting in the way of your daily life or your ability to take care of yourself, you can get help from a counselor with expertise in this area. Ask your doctor to help you find one.
Relationships take on new importance when you're faced with cancer that has come back or has spread. Maybe you had an army of people supporting you the first time your cancer appeared. Or maybe you went through it alone. But now you need other people more than ever.
Reach out to your family and friends. They want to help, but some of them may not know what to do. Tell them how they can help. Ask them to:
You can also look for help from other sources.
Having someone tell you to "stay positive" might make you just plain mad at first. But staying positive can actually help you feel better.
You can learn to be more positive by changing how you think and act. And when you take control of your outlook, you gain a little more control over your life.
Change how you think
Change how you act
You've coped with cancer before. You know a lot about it and about your coping skills. You can use that knowledge now.
It may feel like cancer is controlling your life, but you're still in charge. Think about what worked—and what didn't work—during past treatments:
Setting goals—large and small—is another way to stay in charge. For example, if one of your goals is to attend a family wedding in 2 months, make a list of the smaller goals that will get you there, like eating a healthy diet and getting some exercise every day.
Being an active patient is a way to feel more in control. Talk to your doctor about your feelings, and ask lots of questions. Ask for copies of your medical records. Know what your treatment is going to be and why your doctor is recommending it.
The National Cancer Institute's website offers lots of help for coping with cancer. The following articles may help you:
To learn more about Healthwise, visit Healthwise.org.
© 1995-2021 Healthwise, Incorporated. Healthwise, Healthwise for every health decision, and the Healthwise logo are trademarks of Healthwise, Incorporated.