Anger, Hostility, and Violent Behavior

Self-Care

If you are angry, hostile, or violent, it's important to find help. You can learn ways to control your feelings and actions.

There are some things you can do to try to control any feelings of anger or hostility and avoid violence.

• Think before you act.

  Take time to stop and cool down when you feel yourself getting angry. Count to 10, or practice some other form of mental relaxation.

• Know what your feelings can do.

  Recognize feelings that often lead to angry outbursts. Anger and hostility may be a symptom of unhappy feelings or depression about your job, your relationship, or other aspects of your personal life.

• Think about why you're angry.

  Come up with a reasonable explanation of why you are angry. If a person triggers your anger, suggest to yourself that maybe the person is having a bad day.

• Avoid anger triggers.

  Avoid situations that trigger your anger. For example, do errands at less-busy times if standing in line bothers you.

• Express anger in a healthy way.
  • Go for a short walk or jog.
  • Draw, paint, or listen to music to release the anger.
  • Write in a daily journal.
  • Use "I" statements, not "you" statements, to discuss your anger. Say "I don't feel valued when my needs aren't being met" instead of "You make me mad when you are so inconsiderate."
• Take care of yourself.
  • Exercise regularly.
  • Eat a balanced diet. Don't skip meals.
  • Try to get 8 hours of sleep each night.
  • Limit your use of alcohol, and don't use illegal drugs.
  • Practice a relaxation technique such as yoga, meditation, or tai chi.
• Find where to get help.

  Explore other resources that may be available through your job or your community.

  • Contact your human resources department at work to see if you have services available through an employee assistance program.
  • Contact your local hospital, mental health facility, or health department to see what types of programs or support groups are available in your area.

Managing anger

The first step to managing anger is to be more aware of it. Note the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that you have when you get angry. Practice noticing these signs of anger when you are calm. If you are more aware of the signs of anger, you can take steps to manage it. Here are a few tips:

• Think before you act. Take time to stop and cool down when you feel yourself getting angry. Count to 10 while you take slow, steady breaths. Practice some other form of mental relaxation.
• Learn the feelings that lead to angry outbursts. Anger and hostility may be a symptom of unhappy feelings or depression about your job, your relationship, or other aspects of your personal life.
• Avoid situations that trigger your anger. If standing in line bothers you, do errands at less busy times.
• Express anger in a healthy way. You might:
  • Go for a short walk or jog.
  • Draw, paint, or listen to music to release the anger.
  • Write in a daily journal.
  • Use "I" statements, not "you" statements, to discuss your anger. Say "I don't feel valued when my needs are not being met" instead of "You make me mad when you are so inconsiderate."
• Take care of yourself.
  • Exercise regularly.
  • Eat a balanced diet. Don't skip meals.
  • Try to get 8 hours of sleep each night.
  • Limit your use of alcohol, and don't use illegal drugs.
  • Practice yoga, meditation, or tai chi to relax.
• Explore other resources that may be available through your job or your community.
  • Contact your human resources department at work. You might be able to get services through an employee assistance program.
  • Contact your local hospital, mental health facility, or health department. Ask what types of programs or support groups are available in your area.
• Do not keep guns in your home. If you must have guns in your home, unload them and lock them up. Lock ammunition in a separate place. Keep guns away from children.

Getting help for anger problems

If you are angry, hostile, or have violent behavior, it is important to find help. You can learn ways to control your feelings and actions.

Use one of the following resources if you are or know of a parent or caregiver having trouble controlling angry feelings. Actions done in moments of anger can be harmful and abusive.

• Behavioral Health Treatment Services Locator. This service from the national Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration can help you find local counselors. Search online at findtreatment.samhsa.gov or call 1-800-662-HELP (4357), or TDD 1-800-487-4889.
• Parents Anonymous. Self-help groups serving parents under stress, as well as children who have been abused, are available throughout the United States, Canada, and Europe. To find a group in your area, search online or in your phone book under Parents Anonymous or call (909) 621-6184.
• Social service departments. Many social service agencies involved with child abuse investigation also offer services to parents under stress. Agencies are listed in the phone book, usually under the state's Department of Social Services, Protective Services, Social and Rehabilitative Services, or Children and Family Services.

When to call for help during self-care

Call your doctor if feelings of anger, hostility, or violent behavior occur more often or are more severe.

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